Welcome to the 11th month of 2024, commonly known as November. This year, I’d like to call it “No”vember, a month to say no to activities, habits, requests, and maybe even people that drain my energy. Let me explain.
As a recovering people-pleaser, I thought it would be good to look at my decisions through a lens of self-care. Instead of automatically saying “yes” to requests from others, or activities I am invited to do (and then secretly stewing about it, grumbling to myself about how I don’t have time to do this thing I agreed to do), I would carefully consider whether or not this thing is right for me. Does this help me accomplish the goals I have in mind? Is this something I will enjoy doing? Can I do this, and not have any hidden negative thoughts or feelings about it? If the answer to these questions is yes, then I can consider doing them. If the answer is No, then I should consider not doing them.
Would you like to try this? How can you apply this to your decisions?
How about habits that are not serving you well? What do you do that you wish you could stop doing? What positive change could you make in your life by saying no to yourself? It could be food that you eat that is making it impossible to lose 5 pounds. It could be the endless time scrolling on social media. It could be that extra glass or two of wine that taste good in the moment but the next day you beat yourself up for it. How could you benefit from saying “no” to some of your habits? You can ask the same questions about your habits. Does this help me accomplish the goals I have in mind? Is this something I will enjoy doing AND not have any negative consequences? Can I do this, without trying to numb or escape any negative thoughts or feelings in my life? If the answer is yes to all of these, then it could be a healthy choice for you. If you say no to any of these, evaluate carefully before moving forward. It’s possible “no” is a healthier choice.
As we approach the holidays, it is good to consider the people in our lives. Holiday get togethers with certain friends or family members can create stress. If there is someone in your life that drains your energy in some way, consider how to lovingly say “no.” Perhaps it means limiting the amount of time you spend with them. It might mean not engaging in certain conversations with them. Saying “no” to a certain topic might be helpful. For example, someone who is gossipy, you could say “I’d rather not engage in that kind of talk,” as a way to let them know you are not willing to behave a certain way, or participate in something that makes you uncomfortable.
I want to be clear, this is NOT an excuse to grab power, or use no as a tool of revenge. It is meant to be a self-care tool, as part of a self-care practice. To be authentic with the words we use, to be in agreement with what we say yes to, and to be “all in” with activities and tasks and the people we spend time with. Ready to try it? Make some changes starting today! Hopefully we can GIVE THANKS for the gift of time, the presence of peace that we have from saying "No" when it is in our best interest.
I’d love to hear your feedback on what you did and how well it worked! Email me at maryb@1010transformations.
(Note: If the holidays are a stressful time for you, check out my Wellness & Worthiness Workshop: Reducing stress & Anxiety during the Holiday Season. We will talk about self -care and stress management during the holiday season. Get your ticket here.
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